


Regret

by otomekaidii



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Gender-neutral Reader, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Violence, Other, Platonic Cuddling, Post Lesson 16, Reader-Insert, spoiler warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:47:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28184889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/otomekaidii/pseuds/otomekaidii
Summary: Belphie has been avoiding you, so you head up to the attic to find out what’s wrong.This takes place AFTER all the major plot things in Season 1. Do not read if you do not want spoilers!
Relationships: Belphegor (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 65





	Regret

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr request - kinda
> 
> I was writing another request, and this story sorta happened in the process lol.

You hadn’t seen Belphie all day, which you felt was rather odd. He had been practically attached to your hip since you two had reconciled following his release. So as soon as classes finished at RAD, you went straight to the attic room, the one place he liked to go when he wanted to be alone.

“Belphie? Are you up here?” you called out to him. He didn’t respond right away, but you heard sniffling and the shuffling of blankets as you approached the open door, “Belphie?”

“Hmm? Why are you here?” he asked, hastily rubbing at his eyes as he sat up.

“I was worried about you, I hadn’t seen you all day.”

“I’m fine. It’s nothing to worry about. Just wanted to catch up on my naps.”

You eyed Belphie suspiciously as you sat down next to him, watching as he averted his eyes and attempted to hide his face from you. 

“Are you sure?” you started to reach out to tuck his hair behind his ear so you could have a better view of his face when he suddenly slapped your hand away. 

“It’s fine!” he snapped, cursing himself immediately afterwards for yelling at you. He didn’t want to yell at you, he wanted to be nice to you, to be close to you. But right now...he didn’t know what else to do besides push you away.

You froze, your hand still hovering in mid air. You could see how he was gritting his teeth, fighting back his tears, and your heart ached at the sight. Why couldn’t he just tell you what was wrong? It was obvious that things were far from fine, so why was he trying to hide it from you?

“Belphie, you can talk to me, you know,” you said, setting your hand down on your lap.

“...I know…”

“Then why won’t you?”

“...this isn’t something you should need to worry about.”

“But I care about you. If it’s upsetting you, I want to help.”

Why, why did you have to be so kind? So understanding? So forgiving? Why couldn’t you just hate him? Why didn’t you chase him away? Belphegor just couldn’t understand it. He had done the unthinkable to you. He had attempted to use you and manipulate you, and then he killed you - not once, but twice. And still...here you were, alone with him in the very room where he once strangled the life out of you, with no trace of fear, trying to  _ comfort _ him. 

“WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH?! I killed you!! You should HATE ME,” he yelled, glaring at you with all the anger he could muster. 

But when he saw the look of hurt and shock on your face, his heart shattered. This isn’t what he wanted. He had been trying to keep this from you, so he  _ didn’t _ hurt you. So why was he now screaming at you like this was somehow your fault? 

“I can’t...I can’t do this...” he said half mumbling, half crying, as he fisted at his hair in frustration, trying to curl up and make himself as small as possible. 

“Belphie…”

“Don’t you get it??” he sobbed, “I...I don’t trust myself with you. You shouldn’t trust me either. What if I hurt you again? It’s all I think about. Every time I close my eyes, every time I fall asleep. That whole scene just replays over and over again. I can’t make it stop. 

And I want to be close to you. But it hurts. And it’s terrifying. And I...I don’t know what to do.”

By now, Belphie had broken down completely, no longer able to form any coherent words, he just cried into his pillow as he hid his face in his lap. He knew he shouldn’t be telling you this, he shouldn’t be burdening you with it. It wasn’t your job to comfort your murderer. That was just too twisted, even if he was a demon. 

Gently, you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling him to your own lap. He didn’t resist you, having emotionally exhausted himself by this time on top of the physical exhaustion he had already been struggling with from his broken sleep, and just let you cradle him to your chest as he laid across you. The two of you sat like this for a while, with you occasionally running your fingers through his hair as you attempted to soothe him. When you felt his breathing even out, you tried talking to him again.

“Why didn’t you talk to me about it?” you asked, whispering softly.

“...what am supposed to say? ‘Hey remember that time I murdered you?’...you shouldn’t have to deal with this,” he replied, sniffling, his tears finally having run dry.

“What about Beel? Does he know you feel this way?” 

“...no…”

“So you’ve been struggling with this on your own, all this time?”

He didn’t need to answer that question. You knew the truth. It was as clear as day based on his behavior. He had been trying so hard to be strong for you, to show you that he was a changed demon and someone you could rely on. But inside? Inside he was still struggling to forgive himself and to process everything that had happened. 

“Belphie, I understand, you know? It’s been hard for me too,” you felt him flinch in your arms as you continued, “I have those dreams too. It’s not just you.

I don’t...I don’t want you to keep this from me. Okay? I know that might seem backwards to you but...it’s kinda comforting? I guess you could say...to know that you feel regret. I don’t want you to suffer, but I would still like to talk to you. I think it’ll help us both if we do.”

You tightened your arms around him, hugging him as best you could from your current position. He had been through so much in his lifetime, and where he may have gone to his brothers before, or at least Beel, for support...he didn’t feel he could do that anymore because of how deeply they all cared for you, and how much he feared hurting them even more. Instead, he had been trying to handle things on his own, leaving himself lonely and isolated. 

“Please talk to me, Belphie. Please. We can support each other.”

Belphegor sat up to look at you, scanning your face for any sign that you might not mean what you say or that you didn’t fully understand what you were suggesting. He was surprised to see that your eyes were also damp with tears, and you looked as desperate as he felt.

The past few weeks were hard on you as well. You also had kept these dark memories to yourself out of fear that you’d hurt the ones most important to you. But with Belphie confiding in you, you now had someone you could open up to. As counterintuitive as it seemed, he was perhaps the person best suited to comfort you - because he knew what had happened better than anyone, and he was the only one who could reassure you that he regretted it. And knowing that he was already struggling with these nightmares, meant you didn’t have the fear of stirring up painful memories for him; they were already stirred up, whether you said anything to him or not. 

You gave him a soft smile as he looked at you, and when he leaned forward to wrap you up into a hug, you were quick to open your arms to him, letting him bury his face in the crook of your neck. By all accounts, the two of you made for an unlikely pair. The murderer and his victim. But there was no denying that you were drawn to one another. You understood his pain, and he understood yours. 

Now, he was determined to protect you and see to it you never suffered again. He didn’t have the words to convey how deeply he regretted his actions, so all he could do was hug you close and hope you could feel just how much he treasured you. 


End file.
